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Alice in Wonderland

This is not a kids movie. Over the years, this has been released in multiple versions, with ratings ranging from R to XXX. The Arrow DVD contains both the X and XXX versions, and it’s the latter that “restores” the scenes that didn’t make it into the original 1975 theatrical release. Some of the hardcore scenes give the appearance of having been shot later, and a critical scene with Alice isn’t up to the quality of the rest of the movie. The reason for that will be explained in a moment.

This was promoted as the first porn musical. Other than the music, the most obvious story change is that, in this version, Alice (Kristine DeBell) is no longer a little girl, but a grown woman,working as a librarian, and very uptight about sex. She’s saving herself, much to the frustration of her boyfriend. After singing a song about growing up, Alice suddenly finds herself following the usual white rabbit (Larry Gelman) into Wonderland through a mirror in the library.

It doesn’t take her long to lose a lot of her inhibitions. Once in Wonderland, she has an early masturbation scene, after being convinced that it will feel good and “good is always nice” by the talking rock she’s seated upon. The Mad Hatter’s (Alan Novak) tea party ends with Alice sucking the Hatter’s cock. Or so we’re led to believe. She is sucking a cock, but it apparently belongs to producer Bill Osco, not Novak, and was shot privately on grainier film stock. The most obvious clue is that immediately after finishing, Alice is looking up at the Hatter in surprise and the cum that was on her face a moment before has magically vanished.

It goes on from there, more or less following Lewis Carroll’s story. Humpty Dumpty is broken, but it’s his cock that’s broken, not his “shell.” His friends do whatever they can to rescue him, including bringing in two nurses (Nancy Dare and Terri Hall), who immediately strip down and then go down on each other. That doesn’t get Humpty up, though it worked on my brother. As for Humpty, Alice sucks his cock (all we actually see is the top of her head), and when Humpty is proudly seated back on his wall, his cock is obviously a cheap rubber dildo (which falls off when he falls off the wall again).

Of particular interest to readers of my books, Tweedledum (Bree Anthony) and Tweedledee (Tony Richards), are portrayed as cheerfully incestuous siblings. In the books they’re twin boys and completely non-sexual. Here they’re brother and sister and instead of Tenniel’s school uniforms, here the twins wear tee-shirts and nothing else, the better to get at each other’s genitalia, which they do whenever the chance arises.

The adventure ends with the King’s party, where everyone is busily doing everyone else, Gelman and a few other “serious” actors excepted. Alice is put on trial and sentenced to eat the queen’s pussy, which she accomplishes so successfully that the queen passes out and Alice is finally able to escape back to the normal world. Once there, she’s realized that her former inhibitions were foolish and jumps her boyfriend in the (presumably closed) library.

Something that seems obvious about this film is that the actors appear to be having a lot of fun with the ridiculous situations. This is something that seems to be missing from current porn, which rarely bothers with anything as complicated as an actual plot. I find that a bit annoying both esthetically, and financially, since I’ve written a few of those old-style plot-driven adult movies and that market is now essentially dead. Most porn scripts today are little more than a list of what the director wants the actors to do to each other.

Aside from DeBell, most of the actors who have on-camera sex either never did another movie, or found themselves limited to mid-’70s porn by ridiculous “we can’t use a porn actor in a real movie” prejudices. DeBell established a fairly successful career in television and mainstream films. Gelman was almost ubiquitous on TV in the ’60s through the ’90s. He also appears in the DVD special feature, reminiscing about the film. Some other actors who abstained from sex also popped up on TV and legit films fairly regularly.

Alice in Wonderland is a delightful movie. I have to think it would make a great double feature with Michael Pataki’s 1977 version of Cinderella.

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88 minutes. Not rated. Directed by: Bud Townsend

Buy from Amazon.com: DVD

Tweedledum happily going down on her brother. Implied incest has always been a popular theme in adult cinema, almost always, as here, with the siblings played by unrelated actors.

Alice sucking the Mad Hatter. This was reportedly shot privately and involved only Alice, with the producer substituting for the Hatter.

Instead of sentencing Alice to have her head chopped off, the Queen imposes a sentence that Alice has to give the Queen head.

Back in the library, the newly-liberated Alice can finally make it with her boyfriend.

Alice, about to be licked dry by some friendly forest creatures after falling into a pond and being rescued by one of them. I think he might be intended to be a beaver, but it’s difficult to say for sure.

The happy twins. Another lost feature of older porn is that the actresses were still mostly natural, without the bulging fake breasts that are entirely too common now.