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Southern Comforts coverSouthern Comforts

There was once a fashion for intentionally dumb movies with a lot of nudity, loads of simulated sex, and a plethora of ridiculous situations, all set in a rural scene where the average IQ probably hasn’t made it into the 80s. This is definitely one of them. I decided to watch it again after a clip from the concluding “beauty contest” spent a bit of time circulating on Twitter, or X, or whatever the hell it is now.

Released in 1971 by the prolific, if not particularly discerning Harry Novak, and directed by Bethel Buckalew, from a screenplay by Bethel Buckalew and Jack Richesin, with a running time of 80 minutes, the film is essentially one southern cliché after another, starting with what may be the silliest car chase in film history.

As the film begins, Danny (Jacob Often) is running away from the Sheriff in an old blue convertible, accompanied by Brenda (Judy Angel), Carol (Monica Gayle), and Julie (Wendy Winders). The sheriff is pursuing in a beat up old van, never out of sight behind them, yet somehow fails to notice when the car turns off onto a dirt road. Nope, he just goes zipping on by about five seconds after they turn.

Stopping for gas a few minutes later, Brenda deliberately flashes her pussy at the attendant, who’s about as stupid as any stereotyped hillbilly. While she’s off looking for the john, the attendant pours the last five gallons of gas at the filling shack (for want of a better term) into the car, and I still have no idea how he managed to pour it out of a five-gallon jerrycan without a funnel or spout and not spill any.

Since the car is overheating, they stop near a creek and Danny goes to fetch water, in Julie’s douche bag, while the three girls strip down and spend a bit of time frolicking in the creek. This being 1971, there’s plenty of pubic hair in sight. With one exception, who doesn’t show up until later in the film, natural boobs are also the standard here, and very nice ones, as it happens.

It doesn’t get them too far, so the girls end up pushing the broken down convertible to the home of the Colonel (co-writer Richesin), an elderly southern gentleman with a large property, apparently not much actual money, and an idiot son called Junior (John Tull). The colonel talks like a philosopher, spouting elegant-sounding drivel. He offers Danny and the girls the use of his barn, described in rhapsodic phrases, but still just an old barn, as a place of refuge while their car is being repaired.

During the next day or two, while Danny and the Colonel are setting up the “beauty contest,” for which the participants each pay $15 (roughly $113.95 in today’s money) as an entry fee, Brenda and Julie decide to seduce Junior. This takes no particular effort beyond asking him where they can swim, taking off their clothes, and recognizing that the horny bastard would inevitably follow them. The dialogue suggests that his previous experience has been entirely with farm animals, so that’s another cliché checked off.

Meanwhile, Danny and Carol have collected Chrissie (Debbie Osborne), and some other girls have followed, to become contestants in the beauty contest scam. The night before, most of the contestants end up naked and going at it with some of the local men in a barn-based orgy of presumably simulated sex. I can’t say for sure that no one was getting fucked on camera, but some of the positions clearly indicated that they weren’t, while a few others were iffy, but you couldn’t see anything and we just presume there was no genital commingling. The producers wouldn’t have shown it even there was, since they were making a sex comedy, not a porno.

While all this is going on, a hillbilly band is playing away in the background (in a series of inserts, really, as they’re never shown with the orgiasts and may not have even been present when the scene was filmed), and Danny is squatting at the outside of the orgy looking mildly depressed. Probably because he isn’t getting any, or perhaps he’s finally noticed just how stupid his wig looks.

The actual pageant is just a circular parade, with the girls dropping a piece of clothing on each circuit until they’re all naked, at which point the sheriff, one girl’s father, and Chrissie’s husband (though he sounded more like her father earlier), show up and stop the pageant until the Colonel takes the sheriff aside, advises him of a pending development, and the sheriff decides that the other two guys are trespassing and chases them off to protect his graft.

Angel and Osborne also appeared in Tobacco Roody, another Novak, Buckalew product that was, if anything, even sillier than this one. I don’t think that one will be getting a review, since I’d have to watch it again and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.


86 minutes. Not rated. Directed by: Bethel Buckelew

Buy from DVD

The car has broken down, so the girls are taking advantage of a handy creek to clean up a little.

Carol and Julie have been relaxing in the barn when Brenda and Junior come in. They have questions, while Junior has already fled.

Carol and Brenda have decided that Julie is in need of a bit of stimulation. This is actually a fairly entertaining film if your idea of entertainment is a collection of natural looking naked girls who are all probably on Social Security now. They sure looked nice back then though, didn’t they?

Chrissie seems to be finding the pre-pageant orgy rather a satisfying experience.

The “beauty pageant.” Chrissie is looking perfect, and Carol looks as if she might like to taste some of that.