I may be getting older, but I’m not slowing down. Two new books are in the production pipeline at Lot’s Cave, My Brother the Porn Star, and The Gods Are Horny, and another one, They All Cum at Carlisle’s, is nearly finished and should be ready to submit in a few days. The first tells the story of a brother and sister who go into the adult film industry together. Well, not together, but at the same time. She’s young, cute, and very uninhibited. He’s got a 16-inch cock.
Who says you have to be serious all the time?
The Gods are Horny is one of the more ambitious books. There’s a lot of family screwing, but hardly any involving human beings. Rather, the book deals with the mythical Moronite pantheon, starting with the creation of the universe by a bored and lonely Father-God, Kolek, who essentially masturbates the universe into being. If you think that sounds strange, that’s pretty much how the Egyptians figured it worked. When there’s a universe, but he’s still bored, he jerks off again and out pops a daughter, Kanzeki, fully grown. His immediate reaction is that this was quite painful. After that, since his “new” daughter is the only other god around, they get it on and start producing other gods and goddesses. Oroyna and Nalima are given the earth to look after, and they start producing more gods and goddesses. They’re a very fruitful, if somewhat inbred, family.
Oroyna being inclined to act like any other god who’s married to his sister, knocks up some human women, too. Notably one named Zara, who gives birth to Naloro, who we might think of as the Moronite Heracles. Zara gets eternal life and youth (or mid-30s, anyway) out of the deal. There’s a ton of sex in this one, a lot of it taking place in Oroyna and Nalima’s temple. Their services were a lot more fun than what I had to sit through when I was living at home.
They All Cum at Carlisle’s is more of my autobiography, about a summer at Carlisle’s Nature Resort. I taught a writing class during that summer, so the book includes some of the stories the students wrote for class. I was never quite sure if they were making this stuff up, or just writing about what they’d been up to since arriving. Except for one guy, who’d apparently read a few too many John Norman books when he was younger. His stuff was definitely made up, and might have explained why no one wanted to date him.
Well that and, it being a nudist camp, they’d seen him naked and may have wondered if they’d even be able to tell if he was in them.
You need to buy all of these once they’re out. You’ll enjoy them. And buy the already published ones, too!
LaurenMilfinger.com is just about finished. I’ve got my web guy uploading pictures to the member area as I’m writing this. Here’s a sample. It’s a very slow process, so it may be well into next week before everything is up. I think you’ll enjoy what I’ve picked. The first set is 116 pictures, has been uploading since around four o’clock, and still has about 20 images to go a bit over eight hours later. I don’t blame the host, I blame my ISP. Upload speeds just aren’t that great. I’m afraid I may have to bribe my web guy if I want him to stay until everything is uploaded. Fortunately, he’s easy to bribe. People always offer IT types money to do stuff, but what they really crave is oral. And for an older guys he’s got a very nice dick.
Why a member’s section? I like eating. Even when I was young I was hardly getting rich writing books. Not the mainstream ones that I won’t be mentioning here because, well, pen name, and not the dirty ones, which paid a lot of my bills back then. Used to be I’d get around $1500 for a racy novel as an outright sale to a paperback publisher. There were no continuing royalties, but I doubt any of them ever got a second printing, either. Now it’s all royalties, with no advances, and it might take several years for a book to earn that much. I’m doing all this publicity to speed that up, but the member’s section, with picture sets and videos, is more likely to create a continuing income.
Yes, you’re going to have to pay to visit. I know everyone is used to free porn, but the option is either free with loads of ads and viruses, or pay a little for fewer ads and safer downloads.
I’m also tweeting away as @LaurenMilfinger. Picking up a few followers, but since I refuse to cheat and buy followers, I suppose those will be arriving slowly as well. One of the things I’m trying to do is get other erotica writers to send me their stories and movies for review. I’ll put the reviews on my site, and any other site that will let me use this name. For instance, Amazon only lets you post reviews after you’ve bought at least $50 worth of merchandise from them. I buy that much every week, but my credit cards are naturally in my real real name, and not my literary real name, so they don’t know who Lauren is. Most of the erotica sellers who allow reviews aren’t so fussy.
Return to LaurenMilfinger.com.