Merry Christmas 2018

I suppose some people will wonder why I give a shit about Christmas, considering that I’m essentially an atheist and tend to look upon organized religion as a massive con. The reason I care, at least a little, is that most of the celebration is actually secular, or derived from sources that have nothing to do with the sort of pleasureless, guilt-ridden Christianity that I was raised in. The Romans, who first started celebrating on December 25 in thelr Saturnalia festival, would have no doubt looked quite favorably on the young lady on this year’s Christmas card. Romans were into orgies; Christians, generally, are not, despite adhering to a religion centered on the necessity of human sacrifice for the atonement of sin and revering cannibalism as the core sacrament of their faith.

Anyway, if that sort of thing turns you on, fine. It’s no sillier than any other ancient religion, beyond the obvious problem that people still believe it while all of God’s contemporaries were long ago consigned to mythology.

To my way of looking at things, Christmas is an excuse for getting together with friends and any family members you’re still talking to. It’s a good time to watch old movies, forget your diet, remember why you adopted that mutt five years ago, buy presents for your nieces and nephews, buy presents for yourself, binge watch the first three seasons of Lucifer, all the while wondering how much racier it’s going to be after moving to Netflix, stick the DVD of Teenage Twins in the player and masturbate while wondering just how they ever got away with that one, and generally just have a good time for one day when almost no one has to work. That’s more or less what I’ve got planned, other than the porn feature. Most of the time I don’t masturbate while I watch feature-length porn because I’m too busy taking notes just in case I decided to write a review.

So, just have a merry Christmas. Or have a drink. Whatever seems best to you.

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