I used to sell books on Amazon. I still do, under a different pen name, but what I write under that name is so wildly different from what I write under this name that never the twain shall associate. The books I used to have on Amazon, which were under yet another pen name, used to bring in several hundred dollars a month. Then somebody at Amazon actually read them, decided they were too racy, and that was the end of that. They were moved to other markets, but honestly don’t do nearly as well without that broad reach.
These days, my raciest stuff goes to Lot’s Cave, where they don’t have a bit of trouble with siblings fooling around, parents getting way too close to their offspring–I mean, they named the place Lot’s Cave, didn’t they?–or characters who like to get each other wet, so to speak. You can also have boobs on the cover, which you couldn’t at Amazon.
I always got a kick out of the whole Lot episode, back when I was a teenager, and me and the other cheerleaders would get together for Bible study. The old guy screwed both of his daughters! We weren’t looking for inspiration in the Bible, we were looking for the dirty parts. We found them, too. Lot and his two daughters. Noticing that Abraham was married to his sister. Song of Songs, which is really just a long ode in praise of kinky sex.
The difference between the two publishers is one of time. Amazon usually had the book available for sale within a few hours of uploading. Lot’s Cave often takes two or three weeks. That’s the difference between an essentially automated process and one where actual human beings take your submission and turn it into a book. Even if you’ve never sent anything to them, you can likely tell that Amazon’s ebook production process is automated by the number of errors you find in the books.
I’m waiting for two books to finish the process at Lot’s Cave right now. My Brother, the Porn Star is pure fiction, told from the viewpoint of a young woman just getting started in porn. The other is The Gods Are Horny, about an incestuous pack of pagan deities and how they were worshipped in an ancient, mythical culture. The rites involved a lot of sex, from the high priestess humping a phallic idol and the high priest worshipping that god’s sister by ejaculating on her idol, to ordinary worshippers giving thanks for their good fortune by receiving oral sex from beautiful young priestesses.
There’s also a demigod, creation myths, and a beautiful young woman gifted with eternal youth and life.
I’ve often wondered what it would be like if you could really live forever and not get old. What if you were physically 36 forever? There’d be problems with Social Security, I’m sure. You’d look too young, and the bureaucrats honestly do expect people to die, not just go on collecting for several hundred years. The whole idea behind picking 65 as retirement age for Social Security was that most people would already be dead (remember, that age was set in Germany in the 19th century, not America in the 1930s). If they’d adjusted the age for the same actuarial results, we wouldn’t be able to retire until we were about 83.
Now, while I’m waiting for those two books to be published, I’m keeping busy by writing another one, called They All Cum at Carlisle’s, about a summer I spent at a cute little adults-only nudist resort when I was thirty. There was a lot of sex in that place, and I certainly got my share of it.
I’ve also been working on my website, LaurenMilfinger.com, and lately we’re adding some affiliate links. They’re not as popular as they used to be, but the point here is to make money, and it all helps. So if you’re looking for a web host who will let you show naked pictures, there’s a link to one. Or if you’re the sort of guy who likes to play with himself on a web cam, click on a link and you’ll be taken somewhere you can do that. The one thing I don’t have is an Amazon affiliate link anywhere on the site. I’ve got an account, but it has my real real name on it, so I can’t use it on this site, and they only allow you to have one account.
I’ve been keeping my web guy, who has requested anonymity, fairly busy with all this stuff. Apparently these guys have some sort of ethical code that includes not working overtime just because your employer is willing to throw in a few blowjobs as an incentive. He’s maybe not as ethical as he’d like people to think. What can I say? I like sex.